Using All Your Strengths

Phil and I are heavily invested in the success and well being of graduates of Extraordinary Learning courses. We hold each graduate as one of “our people” and we have formed bonds of friendship with most. In addition, each graduate is a reflection of the ideas we promote and the work we do. In that regard, our graduates are the only advertising we do.

To these ends, Phil and I spend considerable time following up with graduates to offer encouragement and support. Sometimes it is a check-in email with a group that attended a course together, sometimes a message to a specific person, often a phone call or personal meeting. We also have well-developed instincts about who may be struggling a bit (or a lot). When we don’t hear from someone in response to a message, when we hear indications from a third party and when posts on social media like Facebook may be read to believe someone is feeling particularly challenged, we make a specific point of reaching out to help and encourage that person or to assist that person in finding the support and help that is appropriate for his or her situation.
All too often, after some time has passed, one of us receives a response like this: “Hi, I’ve been thinking about writing you but don’t feel good about doing that unless I have something good to share.”
When I receive a communication like this, I am clear I have been less effective than I want to be in promoting the notion that part of what makes a leader effective is the way that he or she addresses inevitable setbacks, downturns, challenges, and “failures”, both professional and personal.
One thing that distinguishes the most effective leaders in the face of these situations is that they refuse to label them as “bad news” – information not to be shared with the very people who care about them and want to help.  They understand that intellect, willpower and time alone are not viable solutions. Rather, even at the risk of feeling small, embarrassed, inadequate and the like, effective leaders turn to others and seek out help and support. These are choices consistent with the “tag line” for 21st Century Leadership: “Leadership Is Primarily An Emotional, Rather Than An Intellectual, Craft.”
My response to those who do not ask for help and are willing to only be know for the “good news” is contained in the following parable:

A little boy was having difficulty lifting a heavy stone. Just then his father came along. Noting the boy’s struggle, he asked, “Are you using all your strength?”
“Yes, I am,” the little boy said impatiently.
“No, you are not,” the father answered. “I am right here just waiting, and you haven’t asked me to help you.”
There is much evidence, both anecdotal and scientific, that most people want to help and derive pleasure from doing so. Phil and I are among them. If you are having a hard time, use all of your strength – ask for help

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