The Perfect Time To Reset Default Settings

Babies. Lately we have been getting a lot of messages from excited 21st Century Leadership graduates and other friends that they are expecting a child. We share their excitement. In the coming months each of these parents are welcoming their children into their lives and experiencing with wonderment the absolute perfection that each child is. And, they discover what each of them already knows to be true - their child, little human computer that the child is, came with some terrific default settings. Some of the things that are true about infants is that when born and in their infancy they are at the most confident, courageous, trusting, open, loving, willing to be loved, expressive, hopeful, optimistic and congruent than they are ever to be again in their lives.

Like you and me, most of them learn to change these default settings fairly early in their lives in response to their life experiences and what they make up to be true about themselves, other people and the way life works. To "protect" themselves, they decide, mostly unconsciously, to respond to life, as a matter of course, with a bit less confidence, a little (or a lot) less trusting, open, loving and so on. Over time, again like you and me, they have new default settings - automatic responses to certain stimuli or cues.

Think about yourself. What are some of the situations in which you automatically respond in ways that don't work well for you and others in your life, or about which you are self-critical? And, what exactly are those responses? Are you hesitant where you might otherwise be courageous or confident; mistrusting or suspicious when you might be trusting or have faith in a positive outcome; closed or dimmed-down when open works better; cold, off-putting, detached or bitter when loving serves you and your people more...?
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Unfortunately, we humans, unlike computers, do not have a single-click "restore default setting" program. We do have the capacity to unlearn some of what we think is true. We have the capacity to change our minds and behaviors in ways that reinforce the very best parts of ourselves - the perfection with which we are born.

Here, at the end of a number of years I think none of us anticipated and the beginning of a new year, I have an experiment for you if you are willing. Identify a recurring situation or circumstance in your life to which your default response does not exemplify the confident, courageous, trusting, open, loving, willing to be loved, expressive, hopeful, optimistic or congruent person you were as an infant. Just one.

Next, identify a response that you prefer. For a month, hold that recurring situation or circumstance and the response you prefer in your consciousness and practice substituting your preferred response for the old default response. Even when you "forget" and respond by default in a way you don't like or doesn't work, course correct with words and actions that reflect your preferred response.

As you course correct over time, you begin to move closer and closer to restoring your original default setting. As you, and others, experience yourself in this way, I believe you become increasingly excited about continuing with this strategy and others you may invent.