Help – A Two Way Street - written by Phil Holcomb

​In my view, 2020 was a tough year My experience is that, in some regards, the start of 2021 is not much better. I think an incredible number of people, families, businesses, communities and countries require a lot of help.


​One of the foundational ideas of all Extraordinary Learning courses, and particularly 21st Century Leadership, is that people want to help.
One way to measure the accuracy of this idea is to ask yourself, “Am I a person who wants to help?”  I’m certain you answered in the affirmative, even if you are aware of times that you elect to spend yourself in some other way.
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The proof of this notion is especially obvious to me during this pandemic.
And, increasingly, there is scientific evidence that people are wired to be kind: that those who help others are only doing what comes naturally and that there is biological basis for human cooperation.
The people Lori and I meet through the work we do (this probably means you) are sterling examples of this idea. As leaders they are engaged, in their work, with family and friends, and in their communities, to make lives richer and to produce results that add value. They help, and they spend a lot of time doing it. One of our deep pleasures is the knowledge that you, with all the talent and skill and caring you have, are out there helping.

But, there’s a rub.

Many of the leaders we meet are not very willing to allow themselves to be helped and have not developed the all important skill of letting others help them.
In my experience this occurs for a variety of reasons easily overcome with sufficient intention and consciousness. Those reason include a skewed sense of ownership, untethered self-sufficiency, stubborn individualism (I do it better – the right way) and subtle and/or deep-seated feelings of unworthiness, to name a few.

In life, reasons pale in comparison to results. Some results, I think, are important enough that someone resistant to allowing help might change the way he or she thinks and feels about it.
People feel good about themselves and their lives when they help, just like you do when you help. If you are a person who is not very open to allowing others to help you, you are depriving them of rich and meaningful experiences. Not only do you pay a price, so do the very people around you who are “your people”.

​More importantly, if you are participating in life in ways that are big enough for you (if you are not playing life safe and small and just settling for less than you might create or contribute), help is imperative. In fact, the litmus test for whether you are living up to your own greatness and potential is whether you require help to manifest your intention. If you don’t, you are simply coasting.

In this difficult time for most, as you go about sharing yourself in helpful ways, Lori and I encourage you to resolve and practice, now and throughout this year, to increasingly allow others to help you. As a leader, you have much to offer and that contribution is exponentially magnified as you let the people around you do what they naturally want to do.

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